Fish Tales

How Swearing Helps When You're Fishing?

The heavy 61/2-foot fiberglass pole was bent almost into a "C" shape as Barney hung onto the handle end and the halibut hung onto the baited end of the line. The tug-of-war had been going on long enough that Barney's muscles in his lower back and forearms we beginning to ache, and his hands had tinges of numbness. He would arch back, pulling the pole steadily upwards and slowly the pole tip would rise as the tension on the rod slightly exceeded the pull exerted by the big fish.

When the halibut had first been hooked there had been lots of chatter in the boat. Barney had bragged about his ability to land the biggest fish in the sea, and about how he had exercised before coming to Doc Warner's so he would be in good shape when this opportunity presented itself. In the cold of the winter he would get up on the highest point of his house with his halibut rod. His wife would tie cement blocks and a rope onto the 80-pound-test, braided microfilament line and he would commence to pull the block toward the roof top. When the block got about half way up his wife would grab the rope and simulate a halibut run, pulling the block back to the ground.

One cement block weighs about 16 pounds. Barney, being no ordinary fisherman, planned on bigger fish than that so he would tie a second 16-pound block on with the first one to build even bigger muscles. He figured that since sixteen and sixteen made 32 he had plenty of line strength to lift both blocks without the line breaking. Strange, how just 32 pounds hanging from the end of a fishing pole seemed more like a 100 pound halibut than he had anticipated.

Tugging and snorting he slowing raising the blocks to a height of about 10 feet. Dutifully his wife began the simulated halibut run. She had barely begun to pull when the cement fish came sailing down under the full load of gravity with only air for resistance. Fortunately for both of them the falling blocks missed the "simulated halibut." She looked up at Barney with a look that unmistakably said she though he had tried to kill her. He looked down and countered her looks with some words that are usually written as exclamation marks, asterisks, and other assorted symbols in family literature. He realized that he had not allowed for the sharp edges on the block that could cut the line long before the break point was reached and such a break could cut deeply into marital bliss if not smash it altogether.

That episode ended Barney's physical fitness training in preparation for the big Alaska fishing trip.

Now in the heat of the battle, hooked into his first big halibut of the season, Barney was winning the battle but suffering none-the-less. The boat chatter had almost ceased as the stress began to show on Barney. Occasionally someone would ask whether Barney had the fish or the fish had Barney.

Barney figured the fish was getting near the surface now and he should be able to see it soon, so he braced his feet and pulled hard on the fishing pole. The pole tip bent sharply toward the water as he pulled, then started to migrate slowly upward. Three-inches, 6-inches, finally it had moved about foot upward. Down below the halibut must had decided that it had seen all the daylight it wanted to see, and with a renewed burst of energy it headed back toward more comfortable surroundings.

As the fish went down Barney instinctively came to his feet and pulled harder on the rod, hoping that the drag would function properly. Somewhere between the fish and Barney the breaking point in the system was exceeded. The line broke. The pole shot upwards, and relieved the pressure counterbalancing Barney on the rod. He flew backwards into the boat. In words that would never be mistaken for feelings of admiration, Barney filled the air with words that never show in a grade-school spelling test. He was so mad he could taste blood and his vision seemed blurred. As his rage decreased, and the air cleared, Barney suddenly realized the blood he tasted was his own. The pole had come back up with such force when the line broke that it had hit him in the face, leaving him with a cut lip and a welt on his forehead.

None of us in the area really wanted to hear what he had to say, but the volume of the discharge and the closeness to the group made it impossible to avoid the exposure. I'm always interested in new and better ways of fishing so when I observed this expression of feeling, mixed with a strange vocabulary I decided to question Barney about how it helped his fishing.

I wanted to know which of the words worked for which situation. If he learned some new words how did he test them to see if and under what circumstances they would improve his situation. Certainly, under the dire situation of loosing a big halibut and getting whacked in the head there ought to be words that would either mend the line or reduce the swelling on Barney's head.

So I asked Barney how he knew which words to use at a time like this. The look on his face made it obvious that he seriously questioned my genetics and ancestry. Now I'm certainly not perfect, but I am interested in efficiency and quick repairs, so if swearing had some magic qualities I wanted to know. Personally I had never known or heard of a swear word that improved fishing or repaired damages.

I thought about asking some of you readers if you knew of any swear words that worked, and if so, how you tested them. But after my experience with Barney I decided it wasn't worth pursuing. I believe I should stick with testing baits and lures to improve my fishing success.